When I was pregnant with Kid3, I realized that in the eyes of many, 3 kids is a Big Family. I am one of three and never particularly considered a family of 5 to be Big. Even now, with 4 kids, I don't consider our family absurdly large. I have a large number of friends with families much larger than my own! However, as I start to venture out more often with all 4 kids in tow, I am quickly realizing that 4 children equal up to one big shock for a lot of people out there. Kid4 is only 2 months old, and already I'm accumulating quite the "treasure trove" of experiences with people who, for some reason, think that the number of kids I have is up for discussion and ridicule.
So, just in case anyone wondered, here are some things NOT to say to a mother with more kids than you, yourself, would prefer to have. (and, what I wish I could say in response if only those darn manners did not get in the way.)
1. Gosh, you sure have your hands full!
This is the one I hear the most, and it's a comment that can be okay - even a compliment. It depends on the context. Said in an admiring tone or with a smile, I like this. However, when I've accidentally closed the car door on Kid3's hand, so he's screaming in my arms, and Kid4 is screaming in her sling because Kid3 is loud, and Kid2 and Kid1 are standing patiently and miserably in the wind in a parking lot, that is NOT the time to smirk at me and comment in a nasty tone about how full my hands are. Yes. Yes they are. Either offer some encouragement, or keep your comments to yourself. Otherwise you end up looking like just a little bit of a jerk.
(On a good day, my answer is "better full than empty!")
2. Don't you know what causes that?
I do, in fact, know what causes that. Do you really think I've managed to have 4 children and not figure it out? I think this is such a rude thing to say and such a horrible way to simultaneously question my intelligence and express your disapproval of my family size. I find it so offensive that I think I'm going to start explaining it to people who ask this. "You mean you don't? Well, you see, when two people love each other very much ...."
3. Are they ALL yours?
Yes. They are ALL mine. All four of them. Except two. Two of them followed me home and stay because we feed them. But I forget which two. You know, because four is SO many to keep track of.
4. You aren't going to have MORE, are you?!
I'm not planning on it. I always wanted 4 kids and that's what I've got, so I am pretty darn sure our family is complete. But if we happen to have another, I don't see how that's such a bad thing. I happen to believe a baby is a blessing.
5. I would NEVER want that many kids!
That's great. Which one(s) shouldn't I have had? I think they're all pretty awesome, personally.
And my favorite:
6. Better you than me!
You know what, I agree. I'm really glad you don't have 4 children.
