(Terrible) Twos

With both Kid1 and Kid2, the "terrible twos" were really not so bad.  For years, I said that the "terrible twos" were named that by someone who just hadn't met a 3 year old yet.

And then we had Kid3.  Who is now 2, and takes being two Very Very Seriously.

He climbs on the table.

He throws things.

He yells the word "NO" with zeal.

And he is so, so sweet.

He loves his baby sister.  I was so nervous about how he would transition to being a Big Brother instead of the baby of the family, and he has proved my every concern to be unfounded. He's gentle with her, he loves to hug her and snuggle her, he gets concerned when she cries.  He is a model big brother.I'm not convinced he is aware that The Baby is a person, and not just an interesting toy, but he is so sweet and gentle with her. It's wonderful.

But he is so, so two.  He climbs on the couch and crows "Ookit me, Mama!" He's so proud of what he can do.

He's picked up on the fact that I'll tell the older kids "open the crackers for him" or "get Kid3's cup for him please" and so when he asks for help with something, he'll phrase it the same way.  "Give a bottle him?" he says, when he wants a sippy cup.  "Turn on a movie him?" He says, when he wants to watch Wall-E or The Lion King (his current favorites).

He can be such a handful, but he's so cute and so sweet.  His 2's have been a lot more difficult than Kid1 or Kid2, but he's so cute that it's not so terrible, anyway.

Back to reality.

I have one week left of maternity leave before I head back to work. This is the hardest part, honestly - the anticipation of -gasp- leaving my baby!! I know she'll be fine. She'll be home with Daddy! I actually think it's very, very good and healthy for my children to spend so much time with Daddy - it makes it very clear to them that fathers are just as able (and just as responsible) to care for their kids as mothers are. I like to think that maybe our house work and other work juggling sets a good example for our kids, that marriage is a partnership and that raising kids, having a job/career, cooking dinner, and playing at the park are not solely the realm of either Mom or Dad but can be done by both, or shared.

Anyway, stepping off my soapbox.  I'm nervous about heading back to work, for no particular reason and for lots of reasons. I've done it before, but that was night shift - and I'll be working days now. I think it will actually make my life hugely better to be working days, but it feels like more time away from the kids (it isn't, actually, if anything it's less because I won't feel like I need to spend every spare second trying to catch up on sleep) and is intimidating in a rather general sense.  It's sort of like starting a new job - I know all the people, I know my way around the unit and I know what I'm doing, but it's a matter of getting used to the "flow" of the shift and of the unit, which of course will be different during the day than it is at night.

I'm just feeling a little sad that my leave - and time in general - are going so fast. It seems like every year passes faster than the one before. I know that things just get more and more fun and wonderful with my kids, and I know that I would not be happy as a stay-home mom long-term (I did it and was miserable!), and I know that my children are happy and lucky to be at home with Daddy when I'm at work, and I know that Kid4 will be just fine.  She's just SO little, and I think the bottom line is that going back to work means I have to share her more, and I'm not quite ready yet.

Reflux.

I have a strong belief that my kids get together and plot. As soon as I think I've got one parenting issue down pat, they change things up on me and I have to figure it out again.  They also tend to do this whenever I make the mistake of claiming that I know what I'm doing.

I fully intended to write a "family newsletter" and send it out with Christmas cards last year, and did write a letter but never ordered or sent Christmas cards. Something about being hugely pregnant and beyond exhausted (pregnancy-related insomnia plus regular insomnia plus working night shift = no rest for the weary) sort of got in the way.  So I edited the letter a little to add in a paragraph about Kid4, and sent it out with her birth announcements. In that paragraph, I mentioned that she was an easy and laid-back baby.

So it shouldn't really have surprised me when a few days later she started screaming - not crying, screaming - for several hours in the evening, and spitting up more often after nursing.

But it did surprise me. And worry me. Because I may know less about having children now than I did when I had no children, but I know that my baby screaming inconsolably for hours is not normal. I thought it was either colic or reflux, and we did everything we could think of to treat it at home, but finally we decided to take her to the doctor. None of the other kids have had reflux or colic, so we had no experience with what was going on and wanted to make sure we weren't missing something serious (or obvious).

So we went to the doctor and although I try to keep it hidden (because unless we're talking about pregnant women I don't want to be treated as a nurse, I need things properly explained just like everybody else when they're outside my area of expertise) my nursiness was showing. I think I asked about doing something "prn" (as needed) or something. Anyway, the doctor was very receptive and helpful and prescribed Zantac for her, just to see if it helped.

It's been about 2 weeks and I am going to say that so far the Zantac has been an absolute miracle. I was worried that this was just plain old colic and that there was nothing that would help except waiting it out, but the Zantac seems to be a cure. She still has fussy periods in the evening but they are much shorter and less intense, and if we give her the Zantac it seems to nip the fussy times in the bud. She's not spitting up as much and is my easy, happy baby again. I'm so happy and relieved.

Things you shouldn't say to a mother of Lots of Kids.

When I was pregnant with Kid3, I realized that in the eyes of many, 3 kids is a Big Family. I am one of three and never particularly considered a family of 5 to be Big. Even now, with 4 kids, I don't consider our family absurdly large. I have a large number of friends with families much larger than my own! However, as I start to venture out more often with all 4 kids in tow, I am quickly realizing that 4 children equal up to one big shock for a lot of people out there.  Kid4 is only 2 months old, and already I'm accumulating quite the "treasure trove" of experiences with people who, for some reason, think that the number of kids I have is up for discussion and ridicule.

So, just in case anyone wondered, here are some things NOT to say to a mother with more kids than you, yourself, would prefer to have. (and, what I wish I could say in response if only those darn manners did not get in the way.)

1. Gosh, you sure have your hands full!
This is the one I hear the most, and it's a comment that can be okay - even a compliment. It depends on the context.  Said in an admiring tone or with a smile, I like this. However, when I've accidentally closed the car door on Kid3's hand, so he's screaming in my arms, and Kid4 is screaming in her sling because Kid3 is loud, and Kid2 and Kid1 are standing patiently and miserably in the wind in a parking lot, that is NOT the time to smirk at me and comment in a nasty tone about how full my hands are.  Yes. Yes they are. Either offer some encouragement, or keep your comments to yourself. Otherwise you end up looking like just a little bit of a jerk.

(On a good day, my answer is "better full than empty!")

2. Don't you know what causes that?
I do, in fact, know what causes that.  Do you really think I've managed to have 4 children and not figure it out? I think this is such a rude thing to say and such a horrible way to simultaneously question my intelligence and express your disapproval of my family size. I find it so offensive that I think I'm going to start explaining it to people who ask this. "You mean you don't? Well, you see, when two people love each other very much ...."

 3. Are they ALL yours?
Yes. They are ALL mine.  All four of them.  Except two. Two of them followed me home and stay because we feed them. But I forget which two. You know, because four is SO many to keep track of.

4. You aren't going to have MORE, are you?!
I'm not planning on it.  I always wanted 4 kids and that's what I've got, so I am pretty darn sure our family is complete. But if we happen to have another, I don't see how that's such a bad thing. I happen to believe a baby is a blessing.

5. I would NEVER want that many kids!
That's great. Which one(s) shouldn't I have had? I think they're all pretty awesome, personally.

And my favorite:

6. Better you than me!
You know what, I agree. I'm really glad you don't have 4 children.

Things Kids Say.

Kid2 was working on cleaning his room.  He had his door closed.  Kid3 just slammed open the door, stomped into the room, and scolded Kid2.  "Kid2, stop cweaning the woom and pway wif Kid3!" He yelled. 

I gave Kid2 permission to stop cleaning and play with his little brother instead. How could I resist?