Lucky.

I'm not going to write much about my job here. My for-actual-money job, not my most-important-ever job. I love my job. I feel so blessed and thrilled that I get to be a labor and delivery nurse. I mean, seriously. I get paid to help women give birth. It's just a little bit awesome. It's also really important to me to respect my patients' privacy, and as much as I'd love to share the details of every birth, it's not really appropriate. Plus, I'm slowly learning to leave work at work - when my job is good, it's darn near perfect, but when it's bad it's really heartbreaking.

So anyway. Not much about my job.

But I will say this, I am so lucky to have the great coworkers I do.  I had to drop something off for my boss today so I took Kid4 in with me to visit. Everyone gushed about how gorgeous she is (makes a mama proud) and took turns holding her. Because they are all nurses, they all washed their hands before touching her (makes a mama very happy) without me having to say one word.  And because they are all labor and delivery nurses, everyone congratulated me on my awesome birth, cheered for me that Kid4 was born with no pain medication, praised me for breastfeeding so well that she's such a satisfied little chunky monkey, and in general just lifted me up in every way.  I love that I work with such wonderful, supportive people.  I really do.

it goes too fast.

Today was my due date with our new baby.  She spent the day in a hand-me-down pink onesie that, about 9 years ago, was too big on her sister just like today it was too big on her.  Baby girl arrived before her due date, and is already 2 weeks old.

I wish this wee snuggly newborn stage lasted a little longer, just a little bit longer.  It's too fleeting.

Kid4 is such a delight.  I had a really difficult pregnancy with her - not because of any real complications, thankfully, but I found out I was pregnant a little sooner than we had planned and I just plain wasn't quite ready emotionally to add another baby to our family.  I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes (a diagnosis I still find questionable at best, to be honest, but already that too is in the past) and had the fun of checking my blood sugars 4 times a day several times a week throughout the pregnancy. Happily, my blood sugars were fine and baby girl is healthy. I was stressed at work due to taking on extra responsibilities and training (some by choice, some by necessity), worried about how my littlest son would handle no longer being the baby, worried about money after taking a pay cut by changing my work schedule, and on and on.  Because of the emotionally difficult pregnancy I sort of got into the midset that she would be a challenging baby too. My second baby was a very challenging, "high needs" little fellow - and I expected her to have a similar personality - adorable and beloved, but a tough personality to juggle with a toddler and two homeschooled older children!

I couldn't have been more wrong. She rarely cries, she's easy to soothe, she snuggles up with her head over my heart and falls quietly to sleep.  She sleeps well at night, she's calm and quiet when she's awake. She's just an angel.  And she loves to be held and snuggled, which is wonderful because I just can't get enough. I'm still in that postpartum stage where it feels unnatural not to have my baby WITH me all the time. It feels weird not to have a big belly slowing me down.  It feels abnormal not to have little feet wedged under my ribs and little fists punching me in the bladder.  It's not quite okay, yet, not to have her in my arms. So I'm glad she's happy to hang out there - I'm not going to be having any more babies, so I've got to cherish every second of this last newborn of mine. Soon enough, she'll be the 9 year old playing MarioKart and re-reading Harry Potter for the 7th time and running out the door to play with friends without a second glance in my direction.  For now, I'm happy to sniff the ambrosial newborn smell that lingers on her head, snuggle her close, and do my best to enjoy every second.