One!

I have always wanted to have a baby in spring, or early summer. I've always thought that April-June would be a fantastic time to have a baby.

I have 2 winter babies, and 2 late summer/early fall babies.  Clearly I'm not the best planner.

Anyway, our flurry of winter birthdays (Hubby is also a winter baby) has just come to an end, with a new 1 year old and a new 9 year old in the house!

I can't believe that Kid4 is already one. She talks a little (she calls everything "this", which is adorable. She also says hi, uh-oh, Mama, Daddy, and I think she's saying Kid1's name as well).  She's cruising around like a mad thing and taking about 7 steps on her own before she falls down.  She's still just the most cheerful baby ever, and she sleeps more than the other 3 kids combined.

Kid2 just turned 9, and is as clever and thoughtful as he's ever been. He is obsessed with video games and legos, which is fun. 9 is a hard birthday for me, because it means that their childhood is half over. (Ten also turned out to be hard, when Kid1 turned 10 last fall. I can't believe it, double digits!) He is such a great kid. I love that he's so smart, although it makes schooling challenging - no matter what assignment I throw at him, he can do it!

The big news at our house is that I'm going back to school.  I'll be starting my degree in Midwifery in May, and I'm excited and nervous and thrilled and overwhelmed and wondering what, exactly, I got myself into here.  I have no idea how we're going to make it work, but I know we will. It's my dream career and I'm so excited to be making it happen.

I'll try to update here more often. I just need to make it a priority. :)

Conversation with a 3 year old

(background: Kid3 is sitting in time out because he punched Kid2. Boys. Sigh.)

Kid3: "Mama, Kid2 is hitting me." (Kid2 is in the other room playing with the baby)
Me: "Did Kid2 really hit you or do you just want him to be in trouble too?"
Kid3: "I want him in trouble too."
Me: "well that's not okay. You need to tell the truth."
Kid 3 considers this for a minute.
Kid3: "Mama, I tell truth. I want Kid2 in time out instead. I done in time out. Time out is not fun."

Points for honesty, little man.

Toddlerisms

I need to try to make a point of writing these down. They are so cute.

Quips from Kid3:

"you feedin' me, mama?" (He snuggles up next to me and gives me a hug. I am breastfeeding the baby and I'm sure that's where this comes from, he wants some snuggles!)

"you stop saying me no!" (when he's scolded and doesn't like it)

"I no need a baff (bath) yet, mama." (spoken like a true boy)

We agreed to go out to Red Lobster for Kid1's birthday. Kid3 has been asking to go to the Red Monster ever since.

We live in an area with a lot of prairie dogs. Kid 3 calls them Fairy Docks.

So cute.

TEN!

Kid1 turned 10 this week. I'm having a hard time with this birthday - she's in double digits! We had a pool party out of town (in the city where Grandma lives) several weeks ago, because the pool she adores in Grandma's town was closed both of the weekends closer to her birthday. On her actual birthday, Kid1 decided she wanted to out for a pizza lunch and then go see Brave (the 20 minutes I saw between taking Kid4 in and out as she got noisy were very cute).  After that, she wanted me to give her a manicure in colors to match Merida's dress, which I did. It was a nice, laid-back, happy day.

I can't believe my first baby is 10. She has expressed interest in learning to play basketball, and she got a guitar from her uncle for her birthday (she has deemed it the best present ever). Gone are the days of Little People dolls and stacking blocks, this girl is growing up way too fast.

She's such a joy. I am so proud of her and the loving, bubbly, outgoing young woman she is growing into.

People plan ...

I ordered the kids' school curriculum more than a month ago, in preparation to start school in early July. The goal was to be done in April of next year, to enjoy the nicest weather in our neck of the woods before Ridiculous Hot season started.

The beginning of July was spent out of town, visiting Grandpa several hours away. So we waited and planned to start the third week of July, when we were home and settled back in.

The  Sunday we planned to start school, we realized that the curriculum we use had drastically altered their lesson plans and instructor guide (for the better, it turns out) and my husband and I decided we'd better wait a week to look it over and get ourselves familiarized with the new layout.

Then came last week. We were all geared up and prepared and ready to go - and realized that Kid 1 would be out of town spending an early Birthday vacation at Grandma's house.  So we decided we'd start this week.

My kids were invited by a very dear friend to join their Vacation Bible School group at their church. We still struggle with finding a church family - between my very strong preference to work weekends as much as I can, and the fact that if I'm not working the weekends then my hubby is, and the fact that we have four children and Kid3 qualifies as several handfuls all by himself these days, added in with the fact that some of our values don't "fit" well with the churches we have tried ... finding a church is a challenge. So I jumped at the chance to send our kids to VBS.

Looks like we'll start school next week. Right exactly at the same time as last year.

So much for that plan to start early! Oh well, maybe next year.

baby shower

I'm in the process of planning a baby shower for one of my best friends. She's a coworker and really struggled to get pregnant. She was my "doula" when Kid4 was born, and planned a lovely baby shower for me that I missed because Kid4 was born on the day of the baby shower (at the exact time the shower was supposed to start, how's that for punctual?). So of course I was thrilled to throw her a baby shower.

She's having a baby boy, and is a Harry Potter fanatic, so I thought very seriously about a HP-themed baby shower. Now, though, I'm thinking just straight up BOY. Blue decorations, diaper cake with blue accents, etc. I'm headed out today to buy the decorations and really can't wait. I think I'm more excited for her baby shower than I was for my own - she is going to be the best mom in the universe and this little boy is already so fantastically cherished and loved. 

I'm trying.

You might think it's been more than a month since I posted here last, but you'd actually be wrong. The truth is that I've started seven different posts since then, only to be interrupted every single time - so early in the post that when I get a chance to write again, it's not really salvageable and I have to start over.  I've got 7 posts in my drafts section right now, all with less than a paragraph written. True story.

I'm feeling stressed out this summer. Between activities with the kids and work and classes and hubby's job, it's been a busy summer. It feels like I've had very little downtime. Honestly, most of it has been fun, but I'm tired and really looking forward to starting school in a week or two. We're starting so soon because that way we'll be done in early to mid April (depending on how and when we take breaks) which means we can enjoy the nice weather in this area of the country before it gets so disgustingly hot.

I used to love the heat. I used to want to move to Tucson. Now we're talking, just a little, once in a while, about Anchorage. My how things change.

Anyway, it's been busy and I am sorry I haven't been around here, but I have tried. It's been a busy summer and I'm looking forward to school, just for some structure and frankly to have an excuse to stay at home all day long at least a few days a week!

I'm debating whether or not to start Kid3 on any sort of preschool "work".  I know a child's play is his work and so on, but he asks to do schoolwork like the other kids do and I'm thinking maybe we'll start setting him up with a book and some crayons to get used to "school" for him. He won't be starting Kindergarten for another two years, in all likelihood, but when it comes right down to it most kids love to color so we might as well call it school (for him, not for any official purpose).

The big kids' box of curriculum arrived a couple of days ago. We opened it up and took a look yesterday and they are excited about the books they'll be reading in the next year - and so am I! Our curriculum doesn't follow a strict "grade" and so I've sort of decided that this year is 5th grade.  According to the curriculum, we're using material at the 4th-6th grade level. We're doing 5th grade math, and 5th grade spelling and grammar, so 5th grade it is.

Busy summer, sorry for my absence! I'll try to update more often.

Uh-oh, mobile baby!

Kid4 is almost 5 months old. In the past few weeks she has absolutely mastered rolling from back to tummy, but still had some trouble with tummy to back.

Today I set her on a blanket on the floor with some toys, so she could play. I left the room for a few minutes while Kid2 was sitting next to her playing the wii, to put away a load of laundry.  I came back and Kid4 was nowhere to be seen.

I asked Kid2 if he'd moved her, and he said no. Then we heard her.

She had rolled under the coffee table and was happily chewing on a shoe.

Uh oh! Guess we better get back in the habit of babyproofing, STAT.

Two

We've all heard about the Terrible Twos.

Kid3 is in the middle of his twos right now, and he's every inch of the "terrible twos" stereotype - except the terrible part. He's not a bad kid, honestly. He's so sweet, and he tries to be good. He's just so, so TWO. And such a boy, to boot!

But gosh, is he wonderful.  I always think as each kid reaches a new age, that their current age is my favorite, so I know I'm a little biased, but Kid3 the way he is right now is totally my favorite age that he has ever been.  He's sweet, and he talks all the time, and he's into everything, and when he colors with markers he gets them all over his fat little baby fingers, and he loves "ahs-getti" and "ananas" and says "olive you too" when I tell him I love him.

He's obsessed with Diego (the cartoon) and is starting to do some pretend play. He's always rescuing some animal or another. His older siblings clearly find the pretending annoying, but they do play along.

Today I was tickling him and blew a raspberry on his tummy.  He squealed with laughter, caught his breath, and then grinned and said "don't fart me, mommy!" I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes.

The twos get a bad rap. Two is wonderful.

Someday.

When I was in nursing school, one of my instructors mentioned that a job as a nurse was an amazing way to see the country and talked about how she'd spent several years in Alaska. Since then, I've found myself coming back to the idea of going to Alaska for a couple of years as a nurse.  I vacillate between thinking about what an amazing, wonderful, life-changing experience it would be - not just for me but for our kids - and thinking about how stressful and frustrating it would be.  So every time I think about it, I end up setting it aside as a non-viable option.

I'm orienting a new nurse on the unit, though, who just got back from Alaska. She lived there for several years and says enthusiastically that she would go back in a second. And her enthusiasm is contagious - it's making me revisit the idea of a just-for-a-few-years move to Alaska.

Not any time soon of course. I'm not even slightly interested in acclimating to a new place with a new baby and a two year old and two older children who love their friends and routines and don't want to change anything. But maybe a few years from now - maybe when I start working on that midwifery degree I still desperately want - that might be something we discuss. And it might not ever happen, but it's so awesome to be able to spend time chatting about the realities of the move with someone who has done it, and realize that it isn't such a non-viable option after all.  Even if we never do it, I am kind of enjoying the daydreaming at the moment.

Boys will be boys

Kid3 idolizes his big sister.  He absolutely adores both Kid1 and Kid2, but Kid1 is the sibling he most wants to be like.  So it wasn't that big a surprise when he started asking to watch The Little Mermaid when we offered to turn on a movie - it's one of her favorites, and she's one of his favorites.

The other day, Kid3 came up to me holding Sleeping Beauty, and asked to watch it.  I turned it on and chuckled to myself at my rough-and-tumble boy who loves princess movies.

About 10 minutes into the movie, he turned to me and said as indignantly as a two year old can "NO, Mama. Dis movie not good.  Where da dwagon and lava go?"

Upon second glance at the movie cover, he was interested in the dragons and fire, not the princess.

Boys will be boys, I guess.

We turned on The Little Mermaid instead.

Who knew?

I've been working nights almost the entire time I've been a nurse.  I always said I'd work nights forever but this little thing called insomnia turned out to be a pretty big deal, and I've been working days for 3 weeks now and I feel like I have a new job.

I said repeatedly that I felt like switching to day shift would make me like my job less, and my time off more. I was right about the time off, but what's been a pleasant surprise is that I was dead wrong about the job. I am so much happier! I feel much more helpful and effective as a nurse when my patients aren't absolutely exhausted and would rather sleep than hear any advice I've got to give on getting through labor.

My kids are happier too.  The older kids have both commented that I seem to be happier, and I feel like it's true. I love that my days off are actually days off - I'm not spending every second of my time at home trying to catch up on sleep. I got up this morning and went to the store to buy a couple of items we needed, and although I'm not a big fan of Walmart, that's what was open at 6:30 this morning and you know, at that hour Walmart isn't bad. The shelves were stocked, the lines were short, the parking lot was nearly empty. I was home by 8AM and have made cookies, washed laundry, given myself a manicure, and spent plenty of time playing with the kids, snuggling Kid4, and trying (unsuccessfully) to convince her that Tummy Time is not the Worst Thing Ever.

Added bonus - In the 4 years since I graduated nursing school, I've gained a lot of weight. Which is partly to do with the two pregnancies since then, but it turns out that maybe some of it was working nights, too. In the 3 weeks since I started sleeping every night and not eating "lunch" at 2am, I've lost 8 pounds - enough to encourage me to try to lose a little more. I didn't do anything to lose those 8 pounds, except not work nights! Score!

Vacation, sort of.

One nice thing about living only a few hours from family is that it's close enough to visit on a regular basis, but far enough that going to visit passes as a vacation for my kids.

This weekend Kid1 and Kid2 are visiting at Grandma's house a few hours away. I dropped them off this morning, and this afternoon I've been hanging out with Kid3 and Kid4.  My big kids are convinced they are on vacation this weekend. I'm becoming convinced that I'm on vacation with the Littles this weekend, too!  Managing just the two of them has been almost ridiculously easy compared to managing all 4 (which is getting easier but is still pretty challenging!) and I'm honestly feeling just a tiny bit annoyed about it.

When I just had Kid1 and Kid2, it was SO HARD.  It was so, so hard! It was hard to entertain the toddler while breastfeeding the baby. It was hard to figure out how to give the toddler a bath when the baby was awake.  It was hard to manage a trip to the park. It was hard. And Kid1 was a much easier toddler than Kid3 but I've done all those things today without really even thinking about it, until I sat down and thought to myself "what the heck did I do with all my time when I only had two? This is so easy!" But it wasn't easy, when they were all I had. It was so hard that nursing school felt a little bit like a vacation at times (and if you know a nurse, just ask them how similar nursing school is to a vacation. But don't do it while they're eating because they might choke when they start laughing hysterically at you.)

It's a little unfair that you don't realize how easy it is to have one kid, or two, or three, until you add another one. I'm certain that if Hell were to freeze over and we had another baby, four would suddenly seem so easy - but it's hard enough that just the IDEA of adding one more makes me feel just a little bit nauseated.  I wish I'd known how easy it was to only have 2. And I'm realizing that I should try to keep in mind how easy it is to have 4, with a supportive husband, a comfortable home, and a level of confidence in myself as a mom that I definitely didn't have when Kid2 was wee.

But I'm still thankful for my "vacation weekend".

Doing it all

This is my second week back to work, and we're still definitely getting into the swing of things.  The laundry has piled up a little and we're not seeing our friends as often as I would like, but things are okay.

My first week back, I worked nights.  I've been working nights for more than 3 years and for a really long time, swore I'd never work day shift.  A while back, though, I realized I wasn't sleeping well at all and decided to request to transfer to days after all.  I expected to transfer as soon as I came back from maternity leave but because of a staffing shortage I needed to work one last week of night shift when I came back.

I can't believe how tired I was. How crabby and exhausted.  I felt physically ill when I came home from my first night shift, and even worse after sleeping about 6 hours during the day.  I felt groggy and achy and nauseated and just truly sick. I must have felt the same way after all my night shifts before I went on maternity leave, too, but it wasn't such an abrupt change then and so I just didn't realize how truly awful I felt.

It was a huge relief to move to day shift this week.  It's harder in some ways - the unit is much busier during the day, no question! It's harder to be away from Kid4 knowing that she's not just sleeping, she's awake and playing and being adorable.  It's harder to be away from Kid3, too, and he's having a rough time with the adjustment.  Kid2 and Kid1, honestly, are just plain happy. They know that when I was so exhausted I didn't have as much patience with them, and saw the difference once I was getting enough sleep, so they're just happy that I'm working a normal schedule now and have more energy and more patience - which means more fun for them! - on my days off.

It's definitely a change, and it will take some getting used to, but I think it's a good change.

(Terrible) Twos

With both Kid1 and Kid2, the "terrible twos" were really not so bad.  For years, I said that the "terrible twos" were named that by someone who just hadn't met a 3 year old yet.

And then we had Kid3.  Who is now 2, and takes being two Very Very Seriously.

He climbs on the table.

He throws things.

He yells the word "NO" with zeal.

And he is so, so sweet.

He loves his baby sister.  I was so nervous about how he would transition to being a Big Brother instead of the baby of the family, and he has proved my every concern to be unfounded. He's gentle with her, he loves to hug her and snuggle her, he gets concerned when she cries.  He is a model big brother.I'm not convinced he is aware that The Baby is a person, and not just an interesting toy, but he is so sweet and gentle with her. It's wonderful.

But he is so, so two.  He climbs on the couch and crows "Ookit me, Mama!" He's so proud of what he can do.

He's picked up on the fact that I'll tell the older kids "open the crackers for him" or "get Kid3's cup for him please" and so when he asks for help with something, he'll phrase it the same way.  "Give a bottle him?" he says, when he wants a sippy cup.  "Turn on a movie him?" He says, when he wants to watch Wall-E or The Lion King (his current favorites).

He can be such a handful, but he's so cute and so sweet.  His 2's have been a lot more difficult than Kid1 or Kid2, but he's so cute that it's not so terrible, anyway.